It Only Took Me 9 Months…

…but I’m back on gogozombiefreelancer, and all kinds of excited to start posting again. I’ll kick things off with the greatest t-shirt ever designed. A mash-up between the hyperactive video game pop culture comic book series Scott Pilgrim (that every man, woman, and child on the planet has now read) and the coolest 1979 gangland action film The Warriors, this shirt just oozes awesome right out of the threads.

Put together by the radical folks at Loyal K.N.G., the tee is available online from their webstore. [Loyal K.N.G.]

And in case you haven’t seen The Warriors (and really, shame on you if you haven’t), here’s a trailer.

Spaced-Out Sunday

More often than not, the Spaced-Out Sunday posts owe less to psychadelia and actually being spaced-out than they do to me being far too hungover to post anything substantial (apart from that one post about the rainbow panda shaman – what the hell was that all about?). But this week I’ve got something pretty special. If you’re any good at the internet, you might have seen this already. But for all you regular plebs this’ll be one hell of a shock.

It causes me actual physical pain to say this, but someone has made Justin Bieber sound good. I don’t know who did it, but I do know that the absolutely remarkable track is actually his new single, U Smile, slowed down 800% using a program called PaulStretch. The result is something akin to Trent Reznor conducting a 50-piece chamber orchestra devoted to playing versions of Explosions In The Sky Tracks. Suddely, Bieber’s childish squeals of “Yeah” become tortured crescendos of audio bliss. It really is that good. Anyway, don’t take my word for it. Hit play on the video above and prepare to lose yourself in the loveliness.

Oh, if you’re also that way inclined, here’s a link to PaulStretch so you can make your own hauntingly beautiful audio landscapes. It’s free, so enjoy! [PaulStretch]

Flashback Friday

Ok so I’m not sure whether this counts as Flashback Friday, but screw you guys, this is my blog and I’ll do what I want. The original Star Wars trilogy probably warrants a Flashback Friday post (or twenty), but that’s not what you’ll get here today. No; today you get two-and-a-half minutes of lightsaber porn. Some random Youtuber has put together a video that features every single lightsaber ignition and retraction from all six of the Star Wars films – in chronological order no less. So sit back, hit play, and enjoy the magical sound effect that is the lightsaber ignition.

The Magician and the Snake

Time for a Mike Mignola post (it was only a matter of time). He’s best known as the creative genius behind Hellboy and the B.P.R.D., but like most writers, those aren’t the only stories he has to tell. As part of the promotion behind the release of his new hardcover compendium of comic ridiculousness, The Amazing Screw-On Head and Other Curious Objects, Mignola has released the entirety of the Eisner Award-winning short story The Magician and the Snake that was illustrated by him, and written by his seven-year-old daughter, Katie Mignola. And, well, it’s just as unbearably sweet as you’d expect. Kids huh, they’re so damn cute.

Oh, as a special bonus, I’ll throw in the animated pilot for The Amazing Screw-On Head that, amazingly, wasn’t picked up for a full series in 2006. It has the voices of Paul Giamatti and Patton Oswalt, features Abe Lincoln in an alternate history with Gentlemen-zombies and lycanthropy, and looks exactly like Mignola’s artwork. Amazing stuff.

(Apologies for the page order being muddled in the pictures below. Just start from the bottom right and read backwards. That should sort you out.)

Aint Love Grand?

It’s a little scary realizing I’ve been gone so long that the picture upload function on WordPress has changed. But that’s just the way life goes sometimes. Time flies when you’re having fun, and boy have I been having fun.

The last Go Go Zombie Freelancer post was written just days before I started dating the young lady who had been occupying the entirety of my mind for quite some time (well, the parts of my mind that weren’t occupied with comic books and video games). And since then I’ve done the following; sat on my ass, drank copious quantities of beer, made out a lot, completed 15 or so video games of various quality, and spent a month in Sydney writing for one of Australia’s best-known video game magazines, Hyper.

So it’s been a busy couple of months. But as I settle back into life in ye olde Adelaide with my beautiful girlfriend, you can all rest assured that the posts will be back, just as retarded as you remember. Go Go Zombie Freelancer – back from the dead. Or something.

Talibannosaurus Rex

Talibannosaurus Rex is Dan Evans’ entry into the CGSociety’s ‘B-Movie Challenge’. The poster is so obscenely tacky that it was booted from the competition. But it is still pretty much the most awesome thing ever. I mean, Christ, there’s a velociraptor driving a Jeep! When he’s not constructing the greatest movie posters known to man, Dan does, well, something in the gaming industry. Go check out more stuff. [My Art Shame]

Spaced-Out Sunday

“It used to be easy, to divine the will of the pandas. A little sunset, some kittens playing, perhaps an intense close-up of a water droplet on a flower, and the pandas would be pleased. But after a time, the desires of the pandas turned random, eclectic.

For those who tormented over the pandas’ whims, there was little choice but to turn to the Panda Shaman. Shrouded in mystery, the Panda Shaman, if the legends are to be believed, could pierce the mists of confusion and algorithmic randomization, to once again divine that which catches the fancy of the pandas. Smelling of sweat and rainbows, the Panda Shaman are rare, and difficult to find.

But for those who must know if today is the day to post that photo of the rusted truck in HDR, or the 365 teen girl sitting in a window, or simply a photo of their breakfast, the Panda Shaman is their only hope.”

It’s ok, I have no idea what’s going on either. [Rainbow Vomiting Pandas Flickr Photostream]

Flashback Friday

Captain Simian & The Space Monkeys is what happened when some super-intelligent suits realised that fast-talking genetically engineered monkeys in space was pretty much the most incredible premise for an animated kids show ever. Sure it may not have had the action figure potential of something like Transformers, and it only lasted for 26 episodes in ’97, but Captain Charlie Simian and his crew gave me some of my fondest childhood memories.

Looking back on the series now through eyes shaped by years and years of science fiction, I can see the true genius in Captain Simian. There were chest-bursting references to the Alien films, a cavalcade of Lost In Space spoofs, and, of course, some serious Planet of the Apes lampooning. But there were also a host of original ideas at play as well, like the most intelligent race in the universe having a name that you could only pronounce in your mind. If you’ve never seen Captain Simian & The Space Monkeys, there’s plenty of it on Youtube, so get to it!

Godzilla Haiku

Two Tumblr posts in a row. I feel dirty. I feel like I’m not trying hard enough to be unique and edgy and original in the blogosphere. But Godzilla Haiku is far too awesome not to be shared with the 12-15 people that frequent this blog. SamuraiFrog and a horde of regular contributors pump these things out faster than the Japanese can repopulate the cities destroyed by Godzilla, and that’s definitely a good thing. Both terrifyingly profound and ridiculously funny – check it out now. [Godzilla Haiku]

Fake Science

So that’s what happened to the dinosaurs! Three cheers for yet another incredibly funny but ultimately completely pointless Tumblr site. Fake Science is loaded up with charming little infographics about – you guessed it – fake scientific facts and principles. So to un-learn anything you may have learnt in high school science class, head on over and prepare to be dumbed down! [Fake Science]